My friends and I were on the topic of racism and supremacy and Liz was chiming in and listening in. And liz was commenting on how she gets confused when it comes to white supremacy and racism and then suddenly
Liz: wait. we're talking about people racism and not like feet races right?
Liz: Does Vegas (the screen name of our friend victor) live in our state?
Me: Let's think about this liz. What's his name?
Me: Right. His screen name is Vegas.
Jorden: Everyone calls him Reno
Liz: Oh so he lives in Pennsylvania.
Me, Vegas, and jorden: -silence-
Me: My first born's name shall be Ezio auditore Ibn La Ahad Dragborn Skyrim Piercraig (insert husband’s last name)
Liz: Sounds Jewish. What language do Jews speak?
Liz: Do they speak english except like Jewishy or like German or something.
Me: Oh liz..
Liz: WHAT DO THEY SPEAK?
Jorden: They speak english just like everyone else Liz. Have you ever heard someone jewish speak another language?
Liz: I've never heard a Jew speak at all.
Me: that's because jews have ascended into a higher state of being and communicate telepathically, liz.
Liz: Jews.... we have jews at our school I bet. Does that mean they can cheat on tests?:D
All of us: /facepalm
Liz: Tori, does ketchup have corn syrup in it?
Me: I don't know liz, why don't you read the bottle?
Liz: Because if it does, that means it has corn in it and corn grows on trees.
Me and Jorden: -silence-
Liz: NO WAIT. I MEANT STALKS.
Liz: What does circumference mean? Because I know that it means that it's 360 degrees around the whole circle. And I know a dia-meter i mean diameter is half way through a circle.
Jessy: So what's left liz...?
Liz: another half of the circle?
Jessy: which is..
Liz: I don't know.
me and jessy face palm.
Liz: does H come after G
Liz: SHUT UP I DON'T KNOW MY ABCS THAT WELL
Dad: YOU CAN SPEAK FRENCH BUT YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR ABCS?!
Liz: I don't even know my ABCs backwards -starts reciting them backwards-
Jorden: Oh boy. We'll be here all night.
gone with the wind?
Liz: you watched gone with the wind? -laughs-
me: yeah, i'm still watching it.
liz: how long is it?
me: 3 hours
liz: well...what's it about?
me: ..you probably wouldn't like it. it was made back in like 1939 and it's about georgia
liz: who's that -stares-
me: -slowly turns around-
Liz my friend and I were people watching in our local grocery store, and we laughed at my dad. Later as we were walking out of the store dad says “What were you all laughing about? You looked like a jackass eating briars” Liz: “Isn’t that cannibalism?” Me and dad just look at each other slowly and walk to the car.
Liz: “quick GIVE US SOME TRIVIA. WHO’S SMARTER?!” me: “….where is India located…?” Karian: ” South am-er-eeka” Liz: “AFRICA.” me: -just staring- Liz: “i’m telling you, it’s africa.” Karian: “SOUTH AM ER EEKA!” liz pauses for a moment then ” OH I GET IT, YOU’RE SAYING SOUTH AMERICA....
Liz and her friends were talking about how women are seldom seen working in construction Liz’s friends: “You never see girls building houses” Carianne: “The creator of barbie built the barbie house and she’s a chick right? Liz: “But Barbie can’t build a house cause she’s a doll.” /facepalm
Commercial: “The last human on earth died today at 10:46 pm” Liz: “BUT THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE ON EARTH THAN THAT!”
So, I let Liz play on my Minecraft account, and she had gotten lost and forgot where her house was, so she killed herself in the game to spawn back in her house. The game spawned her in a completely different area and said that her bed or new spawn point had been obstructed. Liz: “I don’t even want to live anymore.”
Liz: “Toooorriii, Coach Whitley said I have an IQ of 68! Is that bad?!”
I was taking Liz to school the other day and as we pass a sheep pasture, liz shouts, “HOMO FERENS SUM” me: “What…?:” Liz: ” It means ‘I am Iron man’ in latin” me: “So you shout it at the sheep?”
Dad walks into the kitchen to turn on the oven fan and make biscuits and gravy. This freaked liz out. Liz: “Dad! Dad what’s that noise?!” Dad: “What noise?” Liz: “It…sounds like a fan.” Dad: “Oh. It is a fan”
Liz and I were watching the movie Due Date with dad one night, and one of the guys asked if the Grand Canyon was man made and the other told him no. Liz: “Wait….is it?”
After a commercial about a snake crawling on this woman, Liz says “I wouldn’t let no stupid snake crawl all over me.” Liz owns a python. She finally realizes that she has a snake and says :”My snakes not dangerous! and he doesn’t count!” Robert says : “Liz. Your snake is a python, one of the most dangerous familys of snakes on the planet.”...
I told Dad that I was going to make him a website as well, and the title was going to be one of his famous lines. And liz goes, Liz: “Well mine just says wait, what?” Me:” Yeah like…Wait…what did you just say?” I was trying to help her understand why I titled her page that. Liz:” That’s what I said. Wait what?” Me: “I know. I’m...
Dad asked liz to pour him a half glass full of coke. So liz comes back 5 minutes later and hands him the glass. dad -takes sip- “Dear God. what is this? flat crap?” Liz: “I couldn’t find coke so i gave you rootbeer.” Dad walks back to fridge and holds up coke bottle Dad: “Gee liz. I guess the bottle that read Coke was really elusive!”
please click where is says, "full photo set"
Liz and I had watched Fright Night part 2 and at the very end, the evil villain makes a noise similar to a bull. Well liz dropped hot chicken down her shirt and made about the same noise. Liz: “heh heh, i sounded like that lady from that movie..i sounded like a tourist..tar..tour..tooooorrr..tauris..taurt..” I’m sitting there listening trying to think of what she’s trying...
Dad is stirring the fire and trying to get it started and liz tackles him, knocking over the bottle of lighter fluid in the process. Liz: “OH GOD DAD. DON’T THROW A MATCH RIGHT HERE!” -points to where lighter fluid spilled- five seconds later, after dad ignores her. Liz: “dad..d-dad. right here”-points- “dad. DAD RIGHT HERE.” Dad: “JESUS LIZ. WHERE?...
So Karen and I were working on our homework today, and Karen, trying to be a good influence, tells Liz to come over and work on her homework with us. So liz sits down, and goes : “oh god…i think i gotta..” and she sneezes. This wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t have strep throat. So Karen and I are freaking out and liz goes “oooo! if it landed in your eye...
So my sister and I were down at my grandmother’s house watching a movie and my grandma made the reference of the main character “Getting her socks knocked off” Granny: “…And you know…she got her socks knocked off and he came to save her-“ Liz: -interrupts- “Literally?!” Granny ignores Liz and continues. Liz waits until grandma finishes and then...
Liz, Dad, and I were watching the T.V show called Being Human and the vampire character’s eyes turned black and dad made the comment that his eyes had turned black, and Liz goes, “But dad, his eyes are naturally brown!” Dad: “Jesus Liz…he’s a vampire…did you not see his eyes turn black? Liz: “…oohh.”
The Right Lane
So, normally there is this traffic lady that directs traffic in front of Liz’s school. Well, we all were running late this morning and the “Sad Clown” (traffic lady wears caked on make-up) wasn’t there directing traffic like normal. So my friend Hannah and were coming up with ways to get out of the long line of traffic. Hannah: “We can just go right instead of left...
So Liz ate giant campfire marshmallows dipped in hot fudge for breakfast, and like 15 minutes later she gets up and goes: Liz: “I’m going to wash my face.” -gets up and walks over to kitchen sink, turns on cold water, and sticks face under.- She makes a few gurgling noises and Dad’s like “Dear God, Liz!, You’re like, drowning!”
Liz informed us she was talking to her friend a few nights ago on webcam and had the biggest blonde moment ever. Unknown Male: “I can see right through you! haha!” Liz: -slowly turns around to stare behind her- Dad: “Oh God Liz…why did you turn around?!” Liz: “I don’t know!”
So my sister and I were up at our neighbor/best friend’s house. I was playing a game with Hannah, and next to us, Liz and Hope were playing Disney Trivia. Hope: At the very end of Mary Poppins, what was Bert selling? Liz:-breathes out heavily- I’m going to go out on a limb and say crack.
We went to the Lake Lanier Light show last night, and my family and I were making fun of all the lights they put up, because they did the 12 days of Christmas and what not, and my sister, freaking out in her laughing hysteria said this: Liz:-nudges me- LOOK AT THE PECANS! LOOK.AT.THE.PECANS! Me and dad start looking around Dad: Liz those are TOUCANS! Liz looks down
On the topic of ghosts: Dad: “I wonder if when you die, instead of resting in Abraham’s bosom, God just says ’ go have fun’…” Liz: “So basically, we rest in Abraham’s pants?” Dad and me: -silence- Liz:”Isn’t that what that means? Pants?” Dad and I continue to stare. Liz says, after 5 minutes:...
Picking on liz: Dad:”Hey liz…do you know where the white out is?” Liz: “Why?” Dad:”Because I made a mistake on the computer, and it needs to be fixed.” Liz: “HAHA DAD, VERY FUNNY.” She pauses then 2 minutes later comes back and says Liz: “very funny dad, the white out can’t reach the text anyway!” she was kidding.
Dad was talking to Beth on the phone, joking with her that he would write a paper for her son for a fee. Liz: “Good luck, we don’t have black ink.” Dad: “I have a black ink pen..do you need it?” Liz: “but we don’t have black ink for you to send it to Beth.” Dad:”No liz….it’s going through e-mail…” ...
Dad: “There is a fault that runs right through here.” Liz: “where?” Dad:”…right through here.” Liz: “but where?” Dad: “…right…here?”
I don’t know how she got on the topic of Mt. Vesuvius, but she was prattling on about it in the car. Liz:…”higher than mt. OOuuu…” -stares out window- Dad -looks at me then back at liz- Liz: ” mt. OOOuuuu….”-stares out window- Dad: “Liz…what are you doing?” Liz: “trying to remember the name..” Me: “Mt....
As Liz is walking back from the kitchen: “COMO ORIGATO, MR. ROBOTO!”
Liz was in her art class and she had her head down looking at whatever she was working on and she heard someone walk by with heavy boots, and for some reason, she thought it was her friend, so she said “Douchebag.” Turns out, the guy who walked by was the Vice Principal of her school. He just stared at her.
Liz and I were driving back up to the house, and she was looking at the places in the windshield where hail had hit it. (we were in dad’s jeep) Liz: “Dad, did it hail in Clayton, once upon a time?” Dad , me, Beth: -just staring-
We were on the way home and driving through town and liz was reading off random signs in town. Liz: “cor-rop-pa-practor” Dad: “What?” Liz: “you know..the place where you fix your back.” Dad: “CHIROPRACTOR. KYE-ROW -PRACT-TOORR” Liz:” what?”
My friend had made the comment about my sister being “put down because nature is so cruel” and Liz, five minutes later say, “Wait…he wants to put who down?” Me: “nevermind liz.” Liz: “WHAT?”
Liz: “Jesus can do anything he wants because he is a form of God.” Dad: “JESUS IS GOD.” Liz: “How can Jesus be God, if God is his dad?” Dad: “It’s the trinity Liz…3 in 1; 1 in 3.”
Liz: “Wait…so who built the ark?” Dad:” ….” Liz: “oh wait..noah.” Dad:” yes liz…but without help from Jesus.”
Random car conversation Dad: “You know they say that from the time that Jesus was 12 to the time like right before he died, those years were unknown.” Liz: “So did he time travel?” Dad: “..what?” Liz: ” because you know he helped moses build the ark.” Dad and Me: “NO LIZ.”
Talking about the RSS button on this page “Elizabeth Strait Ok, the button that says, “Rss” makes no sence. What if somebody is new to the site and doesn’t know what it means? I clicked it and a bunch of fagumbled up letters came up!”
Liz: “What’s the name of the site?” Me: “Things…liz…says..” (is spelling it all out) Liz: “No..stop, that’s too complicated. I’ll go to your facebook and get it”
Dad: “yeah i’m fine…” Me: “You should read liz’s website” Liz: “I have a website?!”
If a picture is blocking the text, click the title.
Ferrets and Weasels
Commenting on my ferrets Liz: “What’s a ferret? “ Me: -is trying to find a way to put it- “They’re like really skinny, smaller versions of weasels.” Liz” What’s a weasel?”
After a commercial from Geico came on, (Bird in the hand is worth two in the bush) Liz goes, ” I don’t get it” Dad: “Well, the one bird in your hand, is worth just as much as the two in the bush you’re about to kill.” Liz”…then again, I could have two birds in my hands and one in the bush.” Dad:”…no, Liz.”